If You Can't Say Anything Nice

Lately I've been saying the same type of things to my girls over and over: "What would you want her to do if the situation was turned around?" "Would you talk to your friends like that?" "Would you do that to a friend?" "Your sisters are your best friends and they will be in your life forever. Do you want to hurt someone that you will know forever or do you want her to have the best memories of you as possible?" The answer to these questions are usually what I want to hear but there is the occasional pause that makes me wonder what they are thinking. I think we've all been just a bit irritable for the past couple of weeks since we've all been sick with ear infections, bronchitis, runny noses and all the things the constant changing in our Tucson weather brings at this time of year.

Since I don't have any sisters, I don't know what I would have been like with someone of my own gender. I think I would have been a lot like my girls. They get along wonderfully most of the time with the occasional grumpy or emotional outbursts. I have a great relationship with my brothers although I know I was a bit of a bother at times. I thought, since I was the only girl, that I needed to help my mom with the mothering. For some reason my older brothers didn't respect me the way they did my mom. Ha. I guess I was a smidge bossy and stubborn but I wasn't all that bad. I used to long for a sister and I remind my girls, on a regular basis, of how lucky they are to have each other. How fun to have a friend from birth until forever. I want to teach them to love each other unconditionally and endlessly. I think they are on the road to a lifelong friendship although there are days when it wouldn't seem so.

Luckily kids are able to forget about the words they speak to each other. I can't remember any of the unkind words spoken to me as a kid but as adults we remember and take to heart the words we hear. That's because now that we are adults we should have good enough filters to leave out the unkind thoughts we have. I'm trying to teach my kids that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. This is great, in theory, but can lead to hurt feelings if taken too far. I've watched them give the silent treatment after I say this to them and the other one says, "Now she's ignoring me". I want them to understand that the words we say and the actions we take can hurt more than getting punched in the gut. The bruise will heal but our hearts and minds CAN remember forever.

That's where I then must teach about true forgiveness and letting things go. I think my parents were great examples of loving unconditionally and forgiving others when they were wronged. I want to be an example in the same way. Forgiving my girls and others when they accidentally say something that hurts and in turn having them forgive each other when they lack a filter or say something unkind. My job as a mom is to live my life in a way that my girls will learn what is right and wrong. I may not always know exactly what to say to heal the hurt feelings they get, but I can show them, in my everyday life, what I do when I get hurt. Hopefully I will make Christlike choices resulting in my girls doing the same.

"A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult." Proverbs 12:16
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1
"The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit" Proverbs 15:4
"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24
"He who loves a quarrel loves sin:he who builds a high gate invites destruction." Proverbs 17:19
"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21
"He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity." Proverbs 21:23
"An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips." Proverbs 24:26

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13