If You Can't Say Anything Nice

Lately I've been saying the same type of things to my girls over and over: "What would you want her to do if the situation was turned around?" "Would you talk to your friends like that?" "Would you do that to a friend?" "Your sisters are your best friends and they will be in your life forever. Do you want to hurt someone that you will know forever or do you want her to have the best memories of you as possible?" The answer to these questions are usually what I want to hear but there is the occasional pause that makes me wonder what they are thinking. I think we've all been just a bit irritable for the past couple of weeks since we've all been sick with ear infections, bronchitis, runny noses and all the things the constant changing in our Tucson weather brings at this time of year.

Since I don't have any sisters, I don't know what I would have been like with someone of my own gender. I think I would have been a lot like my girls. They get along wonderfully most of the time with the occasional grumpy or emotional outbursts. I have a great relationship with my brothers although I know I was a bit of a bother at times. I thought, since I was the only girl, that I needed to help my mom with the mothering. For some reason my older brothers didn't respect me the way they did my mom. Ha. I guess I was a smidge bossy and stubborn but I wasn't all that bad. I used to long for a sister and I remind my girls, on a regular basis, of how lucky they are to have each other. How fun to have a friend from birth until forever. I want to teach them to love each other unconditionally and endlessly. I think they are on the road to a lifelong friendship although there are days when it wouldn't seem so.

Luckily kids are able to forget about the words they speak to each other. I can't remember any of the unkind words spoken to me as a kid but as adults we remember and take to heart the words we hear. That's because now that we are adults we should have good enough filters to leave out the unkind thoughts we have. I'm trying to teach my kids that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. This is great, in theory, but can lead to hurt feelings if taken too far. I've watched them give the silent treatment after I say this to them and the other one says, "Now she's ignoring me". I want them to understand that the words we say and the actions we take can hurt more than getting punched in the gut. The bruise will heal but our hearts and minds CAN remember forever.

That's where I then must teach about true forgiveness and letting things go. I think my parents were great examples of loving unconditionally and forgiving others when they were wronged. I want to be an example in the same way. Forgiving my girls and others when they accidentally say something that hurts and in turn having them forgive each other when they lack a filter or say something unkind. My job as a mom is to live my life in a way that my girls will learn what is right and wrong. I may not always know exactly what to say to heal the hurt feelings they get, but I can show them, in my everyday life, what I do when I get hurt. Hopefully I will make Christlike choices resulting in my girls doing the same.

"A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult." Proverbs 12:16
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1
"The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit" Proverbs 15:4
"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24
"He who loves a quarrel loves sin:he who builds a high gate invites destruction." Proverbs 17:19
"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21
"He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity." Proverbs 21:23
"An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips." Proverbs 24:26

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13

Changes

During my first year of teaching, I had my students study the life cycle of Manduca Worms. Although it was a great learning experience, I would never do it again. It was just a messy and very time consuming experience. I made food for the students to feed the worms and ended up having to take them home for Christmas break. These worms go through a stage called the wandering stage. They circle around in their food just before they go into the cocoon stage and then change into moths. It's pretty amazing really! My students loved it and I loved watching the kids learn.

My 1 year old is reminding me of a Manduca worm right now. She just turned one last weekend and is also now a walker. She is a bit clumsy at this point but is getting pretty good. She just walks in circles around the room or goes into the hall then turns and walks back to her original spot. It's pretty amazing how quickly she just let go of the couch or table and started walking! She is in a wandering stage. I can see how she is changing from a baby to a kid. It all happens way to fast!

We have some big changes going on in our family. Not only is the baby changing by turning 1 year old and walking, but she's now got 4 teeth and is I just stopped nursing her this week. I decided it was time since she seemed to be playing more than eating and it no longer served the purpose of getting her to sleep at night.

Another change in our family is that my 4 year old just went to kindergarten round-up and is getting ready to start school in the fall. Seems like I just brought her home from the hospital. It's crazy to think that I'll have 2 kids in school. I often tease her saying that I'm going to keep her home and home school her. She's not willing to consider that. She's growing up so much and is such a precious little girl. I'll miss having cuddle time while the younger 2 are napping! She is going to do great hanging out with all of the kids and she's already really smart!

My 2 year old is also going through an exciting time. She's getting potty trained. She's doing a good job of it! I think we change her pull up at least once a day, but she's letting us know when she needs to go and usually makes it to the potty. She went 4 days on vacation only having an accident 2 times. We went to Disneyland and she did a fantastic job there. Of course when she pooped in her pull up, we had been standing in line for a long time. I changed her pull up in line and did the best I could at cleaning her up and hiding her tush from the people around us. I wasn't about to loose our place in line! :) She's probably about 3 or 4 weeks from underwear. I'm so proud of her and she is feeling pretty proud as well!

My 6 year old is changing a bit herself. She seems to be growing up so much lately. She's such a lovely little girl and is going through the "I want to grow up but want to stay little" stage. I want her to stay little but I know she's enjoying being big. She's reading everything and we are no longer able to spell things that we don't want them to find out because she figures it out right away. We just found out she got into the gifted and talented education program as of next year! We are so proud of her! She's so smart!

So, this is a change filled time for all of our kids which in turn is a big change filled time for me! I'm adjusting to all of the changes but am having some growing pains in the processes. It's hard to watch them grow up so quickly and it's also a bit scary to think of all the things that they will someday be exposed to. I try not to think about the teen years because that's just too much to handle right now. Oh the fun we will have when all 5 girls in the house are going through their monthly visitor at the same time. Poor daddy will need to build himself a bomb shelter to hang out in for a week each month! I think he'd be happy with that as long as he has some Dr. Pepper, food and a computer!

I know that God uses the changes in our lives to teach us things and I just pray that I'm not too consumed by them to learn from them and enjoy them. I'm also trying really hard to live in the moment and not think too much about what was or what is going to be! The girls do and say the most wonderful things every day and I don't want to miss anything! I am so blessed to have healthy little girls that I can hug, kiss and love every day!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11